It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
