This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
