; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
