New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize