Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
