remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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