Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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