dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize