Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize