I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
