Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
