I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
