you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
