i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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