Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
