you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
