No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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