How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
