her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
