"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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