so explain again why im purple
no
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
