Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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