It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
