And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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