we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
