I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
