this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
