Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
