But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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