I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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