I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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