I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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