ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
