"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
