I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
