I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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