people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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