never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
