well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
