And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
