I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
