i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I want a musical about memes.
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