the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
