i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
