I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
