there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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