Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
