He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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