It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
