i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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