Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
