My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
