the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize