No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
