can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
