Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
