I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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