false alarm. still invincible.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
