oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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