I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
