they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
