my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is Oprah even human
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
