I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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