why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
