So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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