dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
