is your mom at the bar?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
